Bitterness
by NJ7009
Summary: When frustrations come to a head, an argument ensues. Pre-B support.


"Soren!"

The mage recognised him instantly from his voice, even though the tone was so unfamiliar. Ike was rarely angry and, even then, his anger rarely went so far as this. Soren could tell from the pace of the footsteps behind him and the growl in his voice. The mage continued to walk down the hall in the vein hope that he could avoid Ike's ire if he kept his silence.

"Soren! Soren, hold!" Ike yelled at his back. With a sickening sense of dread, Soren realised that he wasn't going to escape and forced himself to stop. He didn't turn around to see the man's anger for himself. He wouldn't - couldn't – face it. Not when it was Ike who radiated it.

Ike stopped behind him, breathing heavily. In his momentary silence, Ike gave him time to explain but when he offered nothing in his defence, Ike's patience snapped. "Soren, why do you keep doing this?" He demanded, voice strained. "Why do you continue to be cruel to the laguz? Why are you being so stubborn in your hate of them?"

Soren bit his lip and closed his eyes. Ike placed a hand on his shoulder and Soren tensed; wondered if they were about to come to blows over this. Part of the mage doubted it but he couldn't be sure with Ike as angry as he was.

"Soren, turn around," Ike ordered in a tone that brooked no objection. Soren does so with reluctance, still unable to meet his friend's eyes. 'Could that word even still be applied to Ike?' Soren thought. He couldn't be sure.

Ike took a breath to recollect himself and Soren braced for the onslaught.

"What is with you, Soren?" Ike asked, noticeably less aggressive than before. "Time and again the laguz are showing themselves to be valuable allies. I thought you would see how useful they were being and warm up to them – or at least be able to tolerate their presence. Yet, you are constantly being cruel, again and again! I can't allow for that sort of behaviour, Soren."

The thought occurred to Soren that Ike was going to fire him and he was at once afraid. If Ike threw him out, the one person who had showed him a shred of kindness, then Soren wasn't sure what he'd do. Life would stop being worth living. Yet, part of the mage couldn't blame him. While others had been repulsed with what he was, he'd managed to repulse Ike by being who he was.

Soren was a hateful, cold, shell of a person. Maybe Ike had finally learned to accept that.

"Soren, say something!"

"I… I'm sorry," Soren offered feebly. He meant it, in a sense, but not in the way that Ike desired.

Ike began to run his hands through his hair in frustration, unsatisfied with his answer.

"That's not what I want from you," Ike stated. "I appreciate you speaking your mind but your hatred is unreasonable. The laguz have been nothing but civil to you, for the most part. They have done nothing to deserve your treatment of them. You should apologise."

Soren stilled. Your hatred is unreasonable. You should apologise. Soren understood Ike didn't know but the suggestion…

The beasts never apologised for treating him like he didn't deserve to breathe, to live, to exist. Soren wondered if maybe he was in the wrong after all. He was a filthy Branded – maybe he deserved his ill treatment. Maybe the laguz were doing the right thing by disregarding him all those years ago.

If Ike knew the truth, would he do the same? Scorn his existence like the rest?

The possibility made him feel nauseous.

Ike studied him as his thoughts spiral and he raised a brow, seeming confused. He placed his other hand on Soren's shoulder and shook him once, lightly. Soren jumped at the contact.

"What is it?" Ike asked, raising a brow. "What have I said that offends you so much? I don't understand."

All Soren wanted to do was run; to escape the scrutiny of Ike's gaze and the truth which he wasn't prepared to face. He leaned back in an attempt to get away but Ike's grip tightened on his shoulders before he could move any significant distance. "Let me leave, Ike," Soren said, unable to hide his distress.

"No, you don't get to run away. Not until you explain what is going on with you. You are hiding something, I know you are. Is that why you are being this way? Soren, I can't help you unless you tell me what-"

"Ike? Soren?"

Mist's head appeared from beyond the mess hall doors. She smiled, at first, but upon examining the pair it dropped into a frown. "Is everything alright?"

Soren used the distraction to free himself before he bolted down the hall, away from the questions he could not answer. Away from Ike. Ike called his name as he ran, yelled at him to hold.

Soren doesn't do so, unable to take it a moment longer.

* * *

Hours later, Soren hugged his knees to his chest as he watched the rain pour from his window seat. It was dark out now, too dark to see beyond the water droplets raining down upon the earth and the moonlight illuminating the sky. There were no stars. The mage watched the display with apathy and tried to think of them and not Ike.

He held his arm out of the window; allowed the rain to dampen his sleeve. The rain was heavy and it chilled him. Soren switched to the other arm, uncaring.

Soren held little hope that he would be able to maintain his position after many hours of reflection. His numerous offences, his unreasonablecruelty to the sub-humans, his harshness to all those who were not Ike... How he had lasted this long was a wonder, in hindsight. Not only that, he had refused a direct order from the commander.

The mage wondered if he had the coin to keep himself supplied when that eventually happened.

Soren glanced at his bag, laid across his bed. He hadn't unpacked it when the group had arrived in Begnion. If he wished, he could leave that very instant. Maybe he would. Save Ike the trouble of having to come in and let him go.

A knock sounded against the door, a familiar slow two taps, and Soren returned his arms from the rain to grip his knees tightly. Maybe if he remained silent he could pretend he wasn't there.

But that would be delaying the inevitable.

And delaying the inevitable was idiotic.

"Soren?" Ike called, sounding much calmer than he had before. He refused to give Soren the excuse to avoid allowing him inside. Ike no doubt knew he was within.

Soren released his legs and stiffened his posture, held his breath and let it go. He forced himself to face his punishment. A punishment borne of his own actions.

"Enter."

Ike does so warily, closing the door behind him. The room was dark with the exception of the moonlight. Ike joined him on the window seat and said nothing. Soren offered nothing.

Soren turned and watched the rain.

The silence lapsed and the rain picked up.

"I'm sorry," Ike said and then the rain seemed to stop. Everything fell silent. Soren turned to stare.

But Ike's gaze lingered on the rain in thought.

"For what?" Soren asked quietly as he stared at Ike's cheek.

The moonlight seemed to illuminate Ike's expression. "I don't agree with your hatred of the laguz," Ike began slowly yet his tone was soft. "But… I know there is something you are not telling me. Thinking back to the way you tensed when I mentioned how your laguz hatred was unreasonable… You have a history with them. I can't believe that you would hate them so much if you had never known them."

"Yes," Soren mumbled but wasn't sure why he was admitting it. Admitting his history could lead to more questions and more questions could lead to the truth. The meaning behind his blood.

Ike did not ask any questions. Instead, he reasoned, "So, I'm sorry for making light of that... However, whatever history you have with the laguz… it is unfair of you to treat them all the same due to the behaviour of a few. I maintain that. I don't apologise for asking you to try and be more civil. You don't have to like them. Just stop doing things like calling them sub-human, for example. That's all I ask."

'More of them have hurt me than been kind,' Soren thought in silent desperation, once again feeling like his suffering was something he was to blame for. 'Just because they have been kind to you does not mean they will extend that courtesy to me. I am dirt to them and, if you knew, I would be dirt to you too. Why can't you understand that Ike? Why can't you understand…?' Outwardly, Soren nodded but said nothing more.

Ike's turned away from the window and his gaze lingered on him for a long moment; so long that the mage began to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

Then Ike slowly reached over and placed a palm on his arm. The discomforted feeling worsened. "If you ever want to talk about your reasons…" Ike said. "I am here for you. Remember that."

Soren glances upwards and, for the first time that day, he looked Ike in the eye and saw the kindness there. 'How could Ike be so kind? ' After everything he had said and done, why was Ike still here?

"I know you are here for me, Ike," Soren replied. If Ike knew he was Branded then there was no way he could stand by him. Soren would be a fool to think differently.

Still, Ike's words brought hope. A hope that he could be different.

"Good."

They both turned to watch the rain, both wondering but neither talking about the truth.


End file.
